time talk
by Iwannagetitwrite
Summary: jamie can't sleep and talks to other companions. other one shots will be included at irregular intervals. some with assistance from 'behindtheseen'.
1. time talk

**Chapter 1**

the tardis was quiet, parked in an ally behind a doughnut shop. The doctor had crashed on his bed several hours ago from a sugar high. Zoe Heriot fell asleep three hours before. Jamie on the other hand, couldn't. Seeing that trying to repair his internal clock was an impossible task he opted to explore. Somehow he kept ending up in the control room. He decided to stop fighting the urge to look more closely at the bright buttons. Suddenly a screen lit up. Jamie found himself staring back at him. "I remember this!" the Jamie on the screen exclaimed excitedly. "I'm you in aboot ten minutes. Just find the green button. You won't be bored. Got to go, have fun." the screen blinked off. He looked around to make sure no one had snuck into the room, then proceeded to search. Green button, green button, green butt... here it is! He pushed the button and watched as the screen reappeared to reveal a black haired 30- something year old man eating a secret midnight snack. The man jumped at being discovered. "who are you?" the man asked as he hid his treat behind his back. "I'm Jamie McCrimmon. I just found a green button that lets me talk to other people in the tardis. What's your name?" the young Scotsman smiled. "Ian. Are you sure? I've never seen you before." Ian resumed eating. "you could be in a different time from me. This is the tardis, so you never know." Jamie shrugged. "i guess that makes sense. I take it you been with the doctor for a while." "aye, I think I confused myself." "i think you confused both of us." Ian smiled back. "i have to go before the doctor comes in a accuses me of something ridiculous. Bye now." he waved and Jamie pushed the button again.

This time a grouchy red haired woman popped up. "oy! Who are you?" "I'm Jamie. And you?" he smiled in a friendly way, calming her down just a smidge. "Donna. what do you want?" "just to talk. I couldn't sleep and a future me told me to push a button. How are you?" the smile never wavered. " fine." she paused. "so what's your doctor like?" Jamie thought for a second. "a wee nut. What's yours like?" this made her laugh. "mine is a skinny pecan tree." they both laughed. "how did you meet your doctor?" he asked. "I teleported into the tardis on my wedding day. Top that." "from the middle of the Jacobite rebellion. He wore a dress." her jaw dropped, then she laughed so hard her doctor came running out in a panic. "Donna! What's wrong?" "nothing. Other than you, wearing a dress." he calmed down a little and looked at the screen. He immediately shouted in happy recognition. "Jamie! Donna, it's Jamie! How did you find him?" "I didn't, he found me." "how did he find you?" "I pushed a button." Jamie seemed pleased to be the center of attention. "wait, what dress?" "the one he says you wore when he met you." "wait, are you talking about the dress I wore to rescue you off that slaver ship? Because I've worn a few dresses. Don't ask." Donna's expression begged to know more. "no, now go to bed. I don't want you to bite my head off because you didn't get enough sleep." Donna left with a flick of her hair. "thank you for that." he said behind a face palm. "now I'll never live that down. Anyway, thank you for calling. It was good to talk to you again. You were an amazing companion Jamie." "glad I meet with approval. And as for long as I can I promise to be me." "good man, now I need sleep too, it's 3:14 here." "same here. Okay, bye doctor." "bye Jamie." he also waved as he pushed the button.

Next was a near sighted blond lass who thought he was cute, Then the third doctor sent her to bed. He also claimed to miss Jamie (and that he suspected that Sargent Benton had a crush on Zoe.) after that was a man who attempted to flirt with Jamie, who promptly pushed the button. Jamie looked around the room. "you better make sure for his doctor's sake we don't meet. I just might remove something with my dirk." next a skinny lass with crazy red hair informed him that Peri brown, that doctor's previous companion, had married an alien war lord. Jamie sadly met the next person. A short lass who looked like his aunt. A lot like his aunt. Now he was confused. She said it might be possible that his aunt was one of her time clones. Both agreed this was the doctor's fault. Jamie suddenly felt tired. He then pushed the button again to see himself looking about the console. "i remember this! I'm you in aboot ten minutes. Just find the green button. You won't be bored. Got to go, have fun." he pushed the button to meet a sleeping robot dog. Jamie's doctor entered the room. "what are you doing up?" "talking to future companions. What are you doing up?" "I heard you talking. How about you go to bed." he reached over a pushed a blinking orange button and the screen went black. "okay, (yawn) I guess." as jamie was leaving. "what were my other selves like?" he laughed. "they were the doctor."

the end


	2. saved by a nose

_When watching the second doctor, do you notice Jamie messing with his nose? That's where this came from._

The Doctor, a nutty, short, dark haired man, stood before the controls, fiddling with his recorder. His companion Zoe, a rather adorable young lady with a black bob, walked in. "good morning Doctor. Do you have any plans for today?"

"well, I was thinking that perhaps we could visit old Leo. He and I were such good friends. Maybe he could help me tune this thing." he taps the instrument against his palm.

"Leo?"

"Da vinci."

"oh, was he a musician? I knew he was a painter."

"yes, he helped me write the tune for 'Happy'. Pharrell Williams was very grateful for that."

Jamie, a tired, disheveled young Scotsman walks in. he yawns, "mornin' Doctor. Aye, everythin' seems in place, so I didn't miss anything."

"very funny Jamie." the Doctor responds, unamused. His mood swiftly changes and claps his hands together, "now... Jamie get that finger out of your nose!" the boy jerks his hand from his face, "what!? I didna do anythin'!"

"don't do that. It's disgusting. Now wash your hand and don't do that again." the boy pouts and leaves. Zoe pipes up pleasantly, "despite the vulgarity of it, picking your nose actually benefits your immune system."

"only if you eat it, and that's worse."

"I believe Jamie has been doing it since before he joined you. You just haven't noticed."

the Doctor thinks of all the times Jamie touched his clothes and shudders.

 **Three days later**

"ah, Doctor. We have finally captured you." the tall, skinny white alien said. It turns to face the trio. His gaze drifts over them, "you and you assistants. The girl is quite beautiful and intelligent. She will make an excellent servant. The boy..." he stops and stares in shock. Here in chains, was a dirty creature getting dirt and who knows what else all over the spotless white floors. He yells at the guards, "you dare bring this... thing... here without cleaning it first!? If I die of sickness it will be on your hides!"

the chief guard speaks, "your superiorness, we did wash him beforehand. Somehow the boy managed to collect grime on his way to your chamber."

"wash him for a year if need be! I will have no filth in my fortress."

"yes, your superiorness." two grossed out guards drag Jamie away.

 **Two minutes later**

Jamie escapes and returns to the chamber. He dashes to the leader's throne and pounces on him. "get off me, you ugly dirt bag! You'll make me sick! Guards! Where are you!?"

the Doctor thinks then yells, "Jamie! Pick your nose!"

"ya told me not ta' Doctor!"

"pick your nose!"

"alright." his finger almost disappeared into his face.

"no! don't! I'll do whatever you want! Just get away from me!"

"I want ye to let us go an' free this planet."

"I will, I will! Take them and go!"

"how do I know you'll let the people go?"

"I promise, and I always keep promises."

"alright." he gets up and lets him go. "if we come back and find you haven't done as I asked, it won't be a sickness tha' gets ye."

"yes, yes. I'll do that immediately."

"lets go Doctor."

"very good Jamie."

they arrive at the TARDIS and take off. Zoe comments, "I do believe that was known as an ironic situation Doctor. The one thing you told Jamie not to do is what saved us."

"don't remind me."


	3. flirting with the past

_Came up with this last night..._

all of the Doctors stood on neutral time ground for the annual Doctors vs Companions game day and picnic. They argued about their TARDIS', reminisced about their adventures, compared villains and cried over old and gone companions.

The companions on the other hand spent most of their time mocking and laughing at the Doctors. Until a special guest arrived, neither Doctor nor companion. The beautiful yet dangerous River Song.

"Hello sweeties"

all sound stopped as she walked up to and deeply kissed the eleventh. He pulls out of it with a smile, "River, not in front of the children."

she laughs, "then let's go somewhere private."

the Doctors below ten stared in shock. She looks back at them, "your previous selves? Something to look forward to." she walks to the first, "the original? Can't wait to find your secrets."

he steps away slowly, "young lady, if I had any I would not tell you."

she rubs her finger under his chin, "don't be so sure."

he turns around and trots back to his TARDIS, "come along Susan! We're leaving."

Susan follows as Ian bursts out laughing, "it's just like the Aztecs!"

"if you don't drop that I shall leave you here."

"alright Doctor." he and Barbara follow, still chuckling.

River turns to the second, "aren't you just adorable."

"well yes, I do seem quite childlike, don't I Jamie?" he looks past her to his Scottish companion.

"Aye, any more childish an' we'd 'af ta make you wear a napkin*."

his smile turns into a frown as Jamie's comment sunk in.

she laughs, "I always did like funny men. Perhaps we could have more fun later?"

he looks worried, "what could you possibly mean?"

"you'll find out." she moves on to the third.

The second walks over to his companions, "Jamie, Zoe, let's go."

"where are we going?" Zoe asks.

"not here."

Jamie refuses to move, "no, I want ta keep watchin'. Besides, this is a great learnin' experience fer Zoe."

"Jamie has a point."

"alright fine." he pouts, "if she asks where I am don't tell her I'm under the dessert table." he said, leaving the two.

The third reaches out and pulls her hand to his face. He kisses it softly, like a gentleman.

"oh, you're a charmer."

"only the proper behavior for a lady of your stature." he smiles, layering the charm.

"aren't you naughty, I'd like to see more."

he opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by his companion Joe Grant.

"Doctor! They're playing a Beatles' song! Come dance with me!"

"oh, alright Joe. So long as two isn't playing along." he bows to River, "until we meet again." he runs off to dance.

River sets her eyes on the fourth Doctor, who meets her gaze and runs away. He didn't get far as she stepped on his scarf. He looks up to see her standing over him. "I always get my man."

he pulls a bag from his pocket, "jelly baby?"

she takes one, "I rather have another type of candy." she walks away and he sighs in relief.

His companion, Ramona, replaces her, "how do you get yourself in this mess?"

"oh, shut up Ramona."

she helps him up as River targeted number five. He was eating a cucumber when she turned him around to face her.

He asks, "can I help you?"

"I wouldn't mind a helping of you."

he coughs, choking on a chunk of vegetable/fruit and embarrassment. "I'm not really sure what you mean."

"don't worry sweetie, you will." she strokes him under the chin and he falls to the ground. She saunters off and Adric looks down at him, "are you okay?"

he nods as Tegan laughs uncontrollably.

Her saunter ends at the sixth Doctor, "hmm, you're a big boy."

"and quite handsome too"

"I could get used to it."

Peri yells, "don't, he isn't worth it!"

"shut up Polly!"

"I'm Peri!"

"maybe later." she wanders to the seventh, "and what about you?"

he lifts his hat, "Rambunctious as always."

"clearly tiger. Let's play later." she taps the end of his nose and walks over to eight.

"you are flirting with all of me?"

"is there a problem with that?" she plays with his collar.

"no, it just makes everything confusing."

she kisses him on the lips, "less confused?"

"no, that made it worse."

she laughs and moves on to nine, "I like the accent."

"it's north." he smiles.

"so I see. Perhaps you'd like to go south of the border?"

"fantastic! Which planet?"

"mine."

it finally clicks, "never mind."

she winks at his embarrassment and walks over to ten. He looks sadly at her. She recognizes the look in his eye. She places a finger on his lips, "spoilers." she walks to eleven, "you know, I rather like the Scotsman."

"Jamie? How?"

"I want to adopt him."

"oh! Yes, he would love that. But we can't." he looks at the boy sadly then whispers to her, "fixed point."

"oh, like that's ever stopped you."

"this one does."

she kisses him softly on the cheek then walks to twelve, "your TARDIS or mine?"

he smiles, "mine, we can lock the door."

the two of them run off.

*if you don't know, a British napkin is an American diaper.

 _Reviews please. This is the most flirting I have ever written._


End file.
